you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
