she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
