If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
