you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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