all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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