Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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