She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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