I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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