I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
