guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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