i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
