just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
