i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
