Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
