just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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