is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
