Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
