Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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