And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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