I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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