Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I touched a dick in church today
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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