Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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