no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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