Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
