Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
