Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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