did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
