he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
