So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
