I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize