I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
