I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
