I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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