How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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