The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
