yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
