She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
