I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
