I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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