I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A+ Viking dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
