The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
