Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
