I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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