This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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