New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
