OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
