We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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