I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
