I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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