Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
