i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize