Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
