I have demons in me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
