My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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