but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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