I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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