Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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