I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
