they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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