My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize