GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
