Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
