ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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