marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
