Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
