May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
