Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
