Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
