Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
