I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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