Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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