Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize