It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
