He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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