You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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