Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
