then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
