i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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