I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
