Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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