It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Less talking, more tequila
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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