I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
