Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
