addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
