you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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