I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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