quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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