All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
