someone owes me an orgasm
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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