please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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