I think I died a long time ago.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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