Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
