My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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