this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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