i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
