dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize