Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
