so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize