Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
