im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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