just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
