Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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