this just has baby written all over it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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