***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
