My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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