3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
