She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
